My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
