i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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