oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize