god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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