guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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