we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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