he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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