Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize