saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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