i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
