My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
