We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
