Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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