I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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