her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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