Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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