I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i will never coherently bang her
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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