If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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