Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
