I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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