Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
