My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
