margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
