Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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