I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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