um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
