If that was your dad, he is hot
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize