either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
