They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
