Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
