do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
