Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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