I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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