so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
