Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
