I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
