he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Found the puke drawer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
