She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize