Im at strip club and am horny
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
