I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
