there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
