SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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