Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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