What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
