I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
