Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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