I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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