The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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