A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
