And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
