dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
