You're a womanizer and a bitch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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