No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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