Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
