The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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