Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
should my penis look like a turkey
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
