as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
