He passed out mid-signature
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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