just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
