I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well you can't waste a boner
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
