Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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