I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
