Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize