"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
