went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
