i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
