how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
