i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
