I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
