with your own penis?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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