Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
