I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
