Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
