Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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