evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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