you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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