dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
