You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
