ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
