we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
