You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
