I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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