Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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