are you so shy because you have an std?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
