we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
