So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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