I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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