So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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