hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
