Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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