Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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