i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize