How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
