If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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