How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
