I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
