I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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