I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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