Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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