I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
