The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
