the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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