we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
